4 Signs of Emotional Abuse

- Isolation and Humiliation. An emotional abuser wants to
make his or her partner feel bad constantly. In order to
keep the victim down, the abuser looks for ways to keep the
victim for getting support. The abuser usually has a number
of reasons why the victim shouldn’t spend time with family
or friends.

- The Blame Game. If you ask an abuser, he will never say
that anything is his fault. Abusers blame the victims for
“making them do it.” They also have a lot of other excuses
for why the behave unacceptably. From a bad childhood to a
bad day, the blame always belongs on something or someone
else.

- Intimidation. Abusers use threats to get their partners to
do what they want. Emotional abusers don’t usually resort to
physical violence, but they are not above threatening
physical violence to get their way. Many will threaten their
partners, children, and family. Some even promise to kill
themselves if the victim tries to get out of the
relationship. In this way they use fear, guilt, and shame to
intimidate victims and make them feel like there is not
escape.

- Domination. Abusers have to feel like they are in charge
all of the time. To achieve this, they treat their victims
as possessions. To the abuser the victim does not have any
value aside from their ability to do what the abuser’s
bidding.

The thing that makes emotional abuse difficult to deal with
is that it doesn’t carry the same weight as physical abuse
in the eyes of most people. Sometimes even the victim’s
don’t realize the extent of the damage caused by years with
an abusive partner. The fact is that not every abuser hits,
and not all scars are visible to the eye. But the trauma and
pain caused be emotional abuse is very real and it can take
years to move toward help and recovery.

Emotional abusers are able to gain control by making others
feel like they have no self-worth. Many victims feel that
they have no other options and that they only choice they
have is to stay with the abusive partner. These circumstance
make it difficult for the abused partner to escape the
relationship and leave their partner.

Name-calling, shaming, yelling, and instilling fear are all
ways that abusers can control the actions of their partners.
To them control is sought through any means necessary.

It is unfortunate that society tends to view emotional abuse
as less severe than domestic violence and physical abuse.
However, emotional abuse is every bit as damaging,
emotionally and psychologically speaking. In order to break
free from the cycle of emotional abuse, victims must admit
that emotional abuse is happening, that it is unacceptable,
and that it is important to gain a sense of empowerment.

There are several ways for victims to regain their sense of
self-worth and move toward feelings of empowerment and away
from feelings of helplessness. Some victims buy self defense
videos and begin Martial Arts Training at home to build their
confidence. Others find a new hobby, join a book club, or do
things they feel they were not entitled to do when they were
being abused.

About the Author:

For more information about self defense videos and Martial
Arts Training, please visit http://closecombattraining.com/
.

Elbert Hubbard

One time the motto at IBM, “think think think” is plastered all over my cubicle.  It is super relevant to anything and everything going on in my life.  Relationships, work, marketing, horse training, parenting.

Perhaps I could add think, think, think, then speak.

Don’t you hate it when someone says something that clearly didn’t spend two seconds in the brain before exiting the lips?

Check it out.  You might be more influential than you realize.

If you are where I was a few months or years back, then this might be a great read as you pick up the pieces and move on.

Boy I would love to know when Gene said this.  America is suffering and in big trouble.

Visit our site on the subject at http://www.AmericanWAHM.com

It sure seems like things aren’t that much better in the US then many other countries in the world.

Andy Warhol

Isn’t it funny how a saying becomes a part of our “treatment” for people?  Time changes things is one of those things I’ve heard over and over again as this saga has unfolded.  But time isn’t what changed anything.  Time changed dates and ages.  That is all.

What has really changed things has been the more I’ve taken the rose colored glasses off and the more I’ve come to realize exactly the man Galen was.  A comment posted recently on the blog reminded me that the novelty ALWAYS wears off.  And it did.

Too bad a common law marriage can’t be completed with a common law divorce.
]]> http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/time-changes-things/feed/ 0 thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com/2010/07/15/creepy/ http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com/2010/07/15/creepy/#comments Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:43:12 +0000 thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson http://thegiftofgalenpatricksanderson.wordpress.com/?p=288 Continue reading →]]> Too weird for words.

Joy is still looking up all my statuses and accounts online.  So why EXACTLY does she care in the least what I am doing in my spare time?

And Galen has to turn his phone off at night again, according to a trusted source, which knowing Galen means that he is getting calls from someone that Joy wouldn’t approve of.

Creepy and weird.

So who is cheating on who?

So if you don’t listen, you are turning your back on all God wants to give to you.

So if God is telling you that you are supposed to be somewhere or with someone and you don’t listen, you are missing out on the most spiritually blessing relationship that you could possibly have.  If God speaks, you listen, and the other party buggers off, the blessings are truly ten fold.

Trust me.  I’ve been there.

God doesn’t choose whether or not to bless your plans.  God blesses those plans that are in line with His will.  If everything in your life is coming up roses, then you are probably in God’s will.  If you feel like crap, if your job is a drag, if you hate getting out of bed in the mornings, then you might want to try a little harder to tune into what God has to say.

And if you think  you are supposed to be somewhere that you aren’t, how about putting on your turn signal?

Well Galen showed up in a dream last night.  I don’t remember the “where” of the dream, but the conversation we had as he threw his arm around my shoulder like I was his best long lost friend in the world was bizarre.

He said, “You know I’m going to leave Joy and come back to you, right?  It is just a matter of when.”

Now mind you I didn’t reply in my dream or otherwise.  But where on earth did that come from?  Then I discover that he is in contact with friends of mind and asking after me.  I really don’t understand the WHAT of it anymore either.

And if my dreaming self had responded I don’t have a clue what I would have said.  I suppose that is why my mouth was zippered shut in the dream.

What does it mean when people speak to you in your dreams?  Perhaps as I’d slipped away from my blogging recovery my subconcious dredged it all up again?  Or is it possible that people truly speak to you in your dreams when they don’t have the cajunas to speak to you in real life?  Is it God, is it Galen, or is it Memorex?

Since I’m in between relationships at the moment, I’ve had some time to think about what I want and don’t want in a future partner. It helps, too, that I’ve had ample opportunity to observe all of my friends and their relationships. So I made a list of some must-haves we single ladies should be looking for. Well, not just looking for, but holding out for. Here’s what is non-negotiable:

1. A guy who can make you laugh. Some things in life are not funny. Can he make you at least chuckle when the chips are down?

2. A guy who will laugh at your jokes and “get” you. He might not understand you perfectly on the first date, but if you think you’re funny at all, I hope he gets that and appreciates it about you. Otherwise, you could be Kathy Griffin and you’ll still be laughing alone your whole life. Well, she’s single. But I mean, if Kathy Griffin were—whatever!

3. A guy who will attend your lame “things.” Adult dance recital, Mom’s birthday party? Find the guy who will go to something boring even though he will get nothing out of it—but he’ll go for you.

4. A guy who will do nothing with you. And I mean Nothing. If you’re feeling low-energy, anti-social, or blah, can he sit and do nothing with you or does he always leave you on the couch and go party with the guys? And could you two entertain each other on a deserted island or while stuck in traffic?

Related: 12 Secret Signs He’s Into You

5. A guy who will give you a thoughtful gift or card. Not every time, obviously, but I would hope this dude would have his moments of showing you he has thought about you.

6. A guy who will say he loves you. I do not care about his made-up theory that love is just a social construct or what have you. Hold out for someone who can and will say it. Also, he shouldn’t say it just because you want him to; he should say it because it feels good to say it.

7. A guy you respect. Does he have a good head on his shoulders? Does he generally like his job? Is he proud of himself? Let’s hope so, ‘cause if you think he’s a lazy idiot, you’ll end up resenting him.

I asked some of my friends what they held out for, and this is what they told me….

8. A guy you have good chemistry with. He doesn’t have to be Jude Law, but you should be attracted enough so that every time you have an argument, you will be motivated (by your underlying desire for him!) to work it out.

9. A guy who agrees with you about travel. If you have wanderlust and he never wants to leave his hometown, don’t compromise by staying with him long-term and staying home. It’s fine to be a homebody, but if you’re interested in exploring, find a guy with the travel bug. Otherwise, you’ll look back one day when you’re too old, tired, or broke and you’ll wish you had seen the world.

Related: 25 First-Date Dos and Don’ts

10. A guy with similar family goals. Don’t compromise on whether or not you’ll have kids. If you want them, find a guy who does. Me, I don’t get serious with guys who say “maybe” they want kids. I want someone who feels as sure as I do—and I can’t talk anyone in or out of anything.

And finally, the best one—of course, comes from my wise friend Melissa:

11. “Wait for someone who sees you the way you want to be seen. He thinks you’re smart, funny, beautiful and powerful—always. Even on days when you can’t believe any of that about yourself.”

That’s a good one! Can’t wait for that.

What are you holding out for?