Exnaphobia

“Anatidaephobia” – The Fear That You are Being Watched by a Duck… No joke.

Okay, probably not funny to some people.  But I have to laugh because anytime I have to go into Galen and Joy’s neighborhood she gets all indignant and stands out in the yard.  Hello.  Like I want to see her skanky self.

So she has exnaphobia!

When in doubt, assume that no one cares who you are or what you are doing.  You keep your nose where it belongs and no one will be giving you a second thought.  REALLY!

Maybe Joy and Galen are the talk of Harris Teeter, but at my house their names rarely ever come up in conversation.  Even Hanna noted after the fact that we missed Galen’s birthday.

Happy Birthday to Galen

A day late with this and I apologize.  Was visiting a very sick relative.  But be sure to wish tigerfan30@yahoo.com (Galen) a happy 42nd birthday.  He turned the corner on 6/5/10.  Old old old old old old!

Uggghhhhhh!

Went to dinner the other night.  With a whole slew of family.  Had a great time.  But it was brought to my attention later that once again I was asked “What would I do if Galen called or showed up” and I didn’t have an answer.

I don’t know why I can’t say “shoot him” or “hug him” or something else definitive.  But it seems like I don’t really have a clue what I would do.

Presumably that means my feelings never changed.  It means that I am still in some sort of limbo. 

Maybe I’ve just not taken the time to analyze how I feel.  One of my co-workers asked if it bothered me that there is a “Galen” working here in the office.  Jokingly when someone else asked him to spell his name, I said “I know.  S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D”.

It is ok, in so far as that Galen knows about my Galen.  But is it okay that I would still at least give him the time of day if he called?  Isn’t it crazy that he can have an affair with a married co-worker and I would even still acknowledge his existance?  It isn’t like I don’t ever see or hear anything about the schmuck.  He’s in my AdvoCare downline.  I know exactly how much or little he is working his business.  His downline comes to me for help because he isn’t helping any of them.  I can’t just ignore them.

The Coca Cola race

I believe after watching the race today I will have completed an entire year of things I used to do with Galen – doing them alone for the first time.

Seems for everything the novelty wears off.  Still hate mowing the grass, just don’t have to fight with anyone to get it done.

IT is amazing how normal everything becomes.  If you truly believe that your broken heart is a permane t pain you will never recover from, take heed.  Everything passes.

Showing your feelings…

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.

Not a whole lot more to say about this.  Hope it finds all my fans and readers well.

Finding Yourself

As I watch the C-14 planes fly overhead, presumably taking Galen Sanderson to Korea and leaving Joy behind to do whatever Joy does when he isn’t around, I am amazed at how little I feel.

It isn’t about worrying about Galen’s safety or his girlfriend’s celibacy while he is gone.  It isn’t about worrying about his return or his “getting his head screwed on straight” while he is gone as he once suggested was his goal.

I’m not the one left behind or the one leaving.  I am really not a part of this at all.  Galen and I were together for nearly 7 years and as a result we aren’t exactly un-connected.  But I really don’t much feel like a connection to him or his problems.  Yeah, his creditors still call my house looking for him.  And he still shows up in my AdvoCare downline reports when he has enough volume to amount to anything.  And he still crosses my mind.

But when it comes to finding myself it is all about finding myself outside of and independant of Galen Patrick Sanderson rather than in spite of him or because of him.  I am really, really proud of the growth and the changes that I have been through as a result of my relationship with Galen.  But I don’t much think of myself with or without Galen anymore.  I am as positive and pleased with how things are going in my life.  I’ve had great developments in my businesses.  My job is awesome and totally fulfilling.  Rosa has delivered a beautiful painted Arabian filly.  Financially, emotionally, spiritually I’ve rounded the turn through a lot of challenges.  I may not be leading the pack but I am sure not bringing up the rear either.

Recently I woke up from what could be described almost as a long sleep and found that I wasn’t at the END of anything but at the BEGINNING of a world of fresh opportunities.  I wasn’t searching to find myself but now that I have I sure do like who I’ve found.

Why measure people?

Some days you are the diamond, and some days you are the stone.

I sometimes feel that way.  You sometimes feel that way.

It is kind of frustrating that everyone I meet I still measure by Galen.  It doesn’t matter if they measure up better or worse, they never ARE Galen.

Perhaps you never get over some people.

The Power of Positive Thinking

“For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else.”

 Sir Winston Churchill

At the end of a relationship it is easy to be bogged down in the oh woe is me’s.  Fear of the unknown of singleness or new relationships alone are enough to keep you holding on to a relationship that perhaps wasn’t right in the first place.

Coupled with the fact that a relationship which lasted any period of time was probably built on love or something like it, it is easy to be very pessimistic about your future.

Looking back on my days with Galen, and my early days post-Galen, I don’t think I was very optimistic.  HOwever, once I opened myself up to the universe of possibilities, it became much easier and much more powerful to be optimistic.

It is okay to have loved and lost.  It is even okay to still harbor feelings for the one you’ve lost.  It is probably even okay to still suspect that he might still harbor feelings for you as well.

But don’t close yourself off the the universe of possibilities out there.  True love, or something like it, might just be lurking around the corner.  Think positively.  Believe in yourself.

Setup for a greater comeback

I may be knocked down, but I didn’t get knocked out.  I recognize this setback is simply a setup for a greater comeback.  And it’s just a matter of time before I come back stronger, healthier, better than I was before.

- Joel Osteen

Wow!  What a great attitude.  If you feel like a loss in your life (relationship, job, spouse, etc.) has completely taken the wind from your sails, turn your boat and look for that great opportunity to come back stronger and better than before.

Initially when I found that Galen just didn’t care about me anymore I was totally deflated.  So much time and energy had gone into fixing what was wrong with me to be perfect for him that I couldn’t see the value of the growth I’d gone through.  Once I began to picture myself without Galen in my life I discovered that the true gift of Galen in my life was actually Galen out of my life.  That was the point at which my inner growth really began to take off.

Peole come and go in our lives.  Some come for a season, some for a reason, and some for no reason at all.

I think I’ve moved beyond the anger and beyond the hurt.  I’ve taken off the rose colored glasses and the boxing gloves.

Growth Beyond Galen Sanderson

“Without the rain, flowers don’t grow. Without challenges, neither do you.” ~ John Di Lemme

Well let me just say that my yard is abloom this year.

The true gift of Galen Patrick Sanderson first in my life and then out of it has been incredible self growth.  Perhaps that could have been done without Galen’s challenges in my life, but having had him aided in the process.